Son : Why are all those people running?
Dad : They are running a race to get a cup.
Son : Who will get the cup?
Dad : The person who wins.
Son : Then why are all the others running?

Doctor: I’m sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live.
Patient: What do you mean by 10? 10 what? Years? Months? Weeks?!
Doctor: Nine..
Patient: What?
Doctor: Eight..

Grandfather: When I was your age, I used to go to the market with $1 and bring home soap, rice, milk, bread, sugar...
Grandson: nowadays it is difficult. There are security cameras everywhere. :)

Interviewer: How much milk do these cows give?
Farmer: Which one? The Black one or the brown one?
Interviewer: Brown one.
Farmer: A couple of liters per day.
Interviewer: And the black one?
Farmer: A couple of liters per day.
Interviewer (naturally a bit flummoxed): I see. What do you give them to eat?
Farmer: Which one? Black or brown?
Interviewer: Black.
Farmer: It eats grass.
Interviewer: And the other one?
Farmer: It eats grass, too.
Interviewer (now annoyed): Why do you keep asking which one when the answers are the same?
Farmer: Because, the black one’s mine.
Interviewer: Oh, and the brown one?
Farmer: It’s also mine.

Christen and Justin are best friends and both meet up after a month
Christen: Hi Justin, I’m sorry for what happened between us a month ago.
Justin doesn’t care about him and walk away
Christen: Are you still mad at me?
Justin: Twinkle, twinkle little star.
Christen: How I wonder what you are?
Justin: Wish I could hit you with my car.
Christen: Ok, you are still mad at me.

My wife's birthday is in two days.
And she told me “Nothing would make me happier than a diamond ring”.
So I bought her nothing!

Those who are single, Let’s sing this song together:
Single bells
Single bells
Single all the way
Oh what fun it is to watch
those couples fight all day. Yay…

A guy in a plane stood up & shouted: “HIJACK!”
All passengers got scared
From the other end of the plane, a guy shouted back “HI JOHN”.

Teacher: Tell me an example of a creature who can live on land as well as water?
Student: Frog
Teacher: Good. But give me another example, please
Student: Another Frog..!

Teacher: Why your paper is blank?
Student: Sometimes silence is the best answer.

Teacher: Who can prove there is no chair here.
Student: Which chair?

Teacher: Jack, How old is your father?
Jack: As old as I am.
Teacher: How is that possible Jack?
Jack: He became a father only after I was born..!

A: How long have you been studying English?
B: Over ten years now, but my English is not very fluent at all.
A: Why not?
B: I don’t like speaking English because I’m afraid of making mistakes.
A: What’s the use of studying English if you won’t speak it?
B:  You’re right. I should try to speak out more and not be so afraid of making mistakes.

Charlie Chaplin: “My pain may be the reason for somebody’s laugh, but my laugh must never be the reason for somebody’s pain”.